He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
