ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
