physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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