Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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