i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
