So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
