so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
