is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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