I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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