i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
