sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
