I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
