she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
