im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
