I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
