I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
