the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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