I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
