My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
