I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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