can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
