Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
