wat bout pragnant strippers??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
