Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
