I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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