It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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