babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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