Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
