drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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