I wanna passion pit in your ass
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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