tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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