i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my shit smells like andre
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
