I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
