I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
