my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
