apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize