we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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