I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
