It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
