Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize