his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
