Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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