Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
