Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
