Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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