How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
