Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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