I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
should my penis look like a turkey
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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