The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
