Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
