yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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