So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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