if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
