you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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