that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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