apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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