Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
