Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
