I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
