You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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