bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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