The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
