3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
