I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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