I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
