dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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