why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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