yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize