I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
