Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
