How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
