I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
