summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Panties = found
Randomize
