my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
