U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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