i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
there is glitter all over my balls
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
