thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
