I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
