Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize