I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
