Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
