My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
