false alarm. still invincible.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
