i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i now understand why vodka
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
