I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
