I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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