PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
