Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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