the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
