i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize