Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
