First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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